RinalynFayeVillanueva

We all have stories to tell. These are mine – the twisted words of life.

Tiwala ba kamo?

with one comment

Ako yung taong madaling magtiwala at sinasabi ko sa inyo, napakatagal bago ito masira. Ako yung taong, isang “SORRY” mo lang, okay na. Kakalimutan ko na. Hindi ko talaga maintindihan yung iba kapag sinasabi nilang “Wala na akong tiwala sa’yo. Sinira mo. Kahit anong gawin mo, di mo na kayang ibalik yun.” Ewan ko ba. Parang ako lang yata ang taong hindi ginagawang big deal ang TIWALA.

Dahil sa bilis kong magtiwala sa iba, gusto ko ganon din sila sa akin. Hindi para fair, pero para maayos ang takbo ng buhay natin pareho. My mom has Trust Issues. At some point, alam kong may kasalanan ako. I was taught to obey rules. Kelangan ganto ka. Kelangan ganyan. Bawal to. Bawal yan. I always belong to the cream class. I was a consistent honor student during my Elementary and High School days. I never went out with friends. I was used to meet my parents’ expectations. At sa umpisa, nageenjoy ako kasi napapasaya ko sila. Naging proud sila sa akin.

When I enter College, lahat nagbago. I wanted to have fun. So I did. Failed some of my subjects. 2 subjects to be exact. Skipped classes. Pero hindi ako yung tipong patapon na estudyante. I still am grade conscious. I lied just to go out with friends. Back then, dun nasira ang tiwala niya sa akin. As in sobrang nasira. She got this attitude na mangalkal ng gamit ng may gamit. And because I’m hiding too many secrets, ayun nakita ang darkest secret ko. She didn’t let me sleep at our house for days. We didn’t even talk for weeks I guess. Nakakapanlumo na  ganon ang nangyari. I became sneaky since then.

Now that I’m working and got a chance to meet different people, na-realize ko my college life was boring! My life is boring! And now that I have my own resources, I’m living my life. I can’t regain the trust from my mom anymore. Tanggap ko na. For me, I did my best. Gumawa din naman ako ng maganda. Pinipilit kong maging maganda/magaling sa mata nila, pero hindi nila nakikita. Hanggang sa dumating ako sa point na nakakasawa na. After ng maganda, makakagawa ka ule ng mali (di naman mawawala yun eh diba?) Tapos isusumbat sa’yo lahat. Kahit yung mga bagay na matagal na namang nangyari. Paikot-ikot. Nakaka-gago.

At ngayon, eto na naman. Stop treating me like a child. Hindi na ako bata. At feeling ko naman, I’m not acting like one. Alam ko ang tama sa mali. Alam ko ang dapat sa hindi. Please don’t jump into conclusion dahil lang sa mga nakikita mo. Aren’t you tired of making out stories to your head that is so impossible to happen? Ang OA lang eh. Ano ba naman yung tanungin ako diba? When I told you I don’t have a boyfriend, I didn’t lie. Wag mong sabihin na lahat kayo niloloko ko. Aamin naman ako kung meron eh. Hindi ko na itatago. At isa pa, privacy na lang kukunin mo pa? Ganyan ka ka-selfish? For God’s sake mom! Tama na. Please. Just let me be. Kung wala kang tiwala, edi wala. Wala ng remedy diyan. Simple lang naman diba? Di ko naman pinipilit pa eh.

Written by RinalynFaye

January 30, 2013 at 6:51 am

One Response

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  1. accurate communication is the best way to bridge doubts and fears. what matters is when all is in doubt..the love of a mother stays…😉


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