RinalynFayeVillanueva

We all have stories to tell. These are mine – the twisted words of life.

Posts Tagged ‘Tears

Note to myself.

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Sorry for always saying “Yes”

Sorry for hiding the pain.

Sorry for not speaking myself.

Sorry for being always available.

Sorry for competing.

Sorry for ranting non-sense.

Sorry for the shit load.

Sorry for the pain.

Sorry for thinking I deserve all these.

I deserve more than this but I’m settling.

Sorry for everything.

I’ll be closing this book.

No looking back.

Ain’t worth turning around.

No more apologizing.

I’ll be saying “Thank you” next time.

 

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Written by RinalynFaye

July 10, 2014 at 1:03 pm

A week.

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Give me a week of being alone.
A week of endless thinking.
Let me love you for a week.
Then I’ll be leaving this feeling for good.

Written by RinalynFaye

July 10, 2014 at 12:57 pm

Please

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Written by RinalynFaye

June 11, 2014 at 2:02 am

IDK

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This shitty feeling overstayed. The month is about to end a few days from now, and this feeling won’t ever let me go. I messed up. I failed. I feel like crap. I feel stupid. Mixed emotions I myself find it hard to explain until I got to the point that I asked myself, “Am I here to fail over and over again?” I want to cry just to ease this unwanted feeling, I’ve tried my hardest but not a single tear fell. I don’t want to confide to anyone because they will never understand.

Maybe I’m in the wrong crowd. Maybe I’m just weak. Or maybe, it’s time to fight back. Get lost or shut the world out. Will they notice? Will they even care? Will anyone ask why and comfort me instead of ranting at me?

I’m sad. I’m giving up. I’m frustrated and devastated. I don’t know what to do, where to go, who to talk to anymore.

Then I uttered this. “I can’t take it any longer. Will you be mad if I took away my life? It’s hard – everything’s hard. I don’t know if I can start all over again. Don’t prolong my agony. Take me now or I’ll take it myself.”

Written by RinalynFaye

March 22, 2014 at 1:57 am

Christmas realizations.

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Is it too late for me to post this? I just hope I’m not. So here it goes. Last Christmas was the second time we celebrated it without our father. Last Christmas was the first time we celebrated it without my brother which by the way is in Cebu for his postulancy. And it was the first time, me and our youngest celebrated it without our mom with us.

My mom is the eldest in her family. And it’s her role to guide his brothers and sisters whose path didn’t go well. And sadly, it happened on Christmas Eve.

We waited patiently because she told us she’ll be back to spend Christmas with us which didn’t happened. I was broken. We’re only 3 in the family, how come it will be this hard to get ourselves together? Why did she chose to be with her siblings just to settle whatever that happened? Didn’t she even learned? They turn their backs on her. They don’t even listen to her. But there she was, helping them in those kind of times.

I can’t keep up with her siblings. I’m not trying to compete for attention but I can’t help but wonder, are they that important?

You know what I learned? Try to observe. Maybe they just need my mom in that very moment. Resolving bigger issues than spending Christmas with us is even better and maybe for the best of each and everyone of us. Right then and there, family isn’t just there during happy times but even the downfall of one. You can always count on them. And that made me proud having her as my mom.

Inay (Mom), sorry for acting cold that day and the day after. Sorry for the harsh words you heard. I’m just hurt. But I understand now. I love you and I am so proud of you. 

Written by RinalynFaye

January 23, 2014 at 8:38 pm

Goodbyes are the hardest.

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Saviour MeDevices Inc, you’ve been an instrument to save lives and I am happy to say that I am one of them. It’s like you’ve been God sent. Wish granted I could tell. You introduced me to people I’m lucky to have and people I can’t help but hate. You let me experience things that made me strong and made me weak. Times that made me laugh and those times that made me weep. You pushed me to my limits. Like a flower, you’re the water and sunlight that made me bloom and helped me grow. I do believe, there’s no such thing as perfect institution but I know you’re doing everything you can and everything possible to meet your goals. We have different ways of achieving our goals which sometimes conflicts arise.

A brighter and better future awaits me now. God has been generous to me all this time. Pouring me with blessings I thought I don’t need so I continue not to take every opportunity come into my way. If not now, when? I then asked myself. Goodbye is never easy. It’s always been hard but I never thought it will be this hard.

To the officemates I worked with, thank you for imparting knowledge.
To the managers that had been my confidante, thank you so much for listening to my rants, problems and insecurities and for those times you laughed with me. You’re my critics whom I love staight from my heart.
To the friends I gained, I am more than happy we met. Friends at the workplace are rarely to find, guess I’m one of those who are lucky. We’ve been saying goodbye for so long, we’ve prepared ourselves when this happen but it’s way too different now.
2 years 1 month and 13 days as I count today, in that span of time great things happened. I tamed a lion. I made her laugh. I can count on my right hand just the times she got mad at me but I can’t count how many times she compliments me, praise me, smiled at me and laughed with me. She’s mainly the reason I find it hard to leave. Despite my shortcomings, she patiently waited for me to grow professionally. People find it weird for feeling this way toward my boss. They all think I’m kidding. But I am not. She’s different. A boss I never imagined myself having but I am grateful.

Change is inevitable. Growing up is mandatory. Separation is unavoidable. There are times that we need to grow apart. This isn’t goodbye but see you again.

Written by RinalynFaye

July 19, 2013 at 11:00 pm

Never been this thankful and proud

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Batch 2013 of St. Paul Seminary Foundation has my heart and I am indeed very proud of them not just because my brother belongs to this batch (though its’ the biggest part.) but because you’ve been a part of my life for 5 years and I know for a fact that you’ll be a part of my “close to miserable life” till my last breath. The laughs we shared. The places we’ve been. The stories we told. The tears we shed. The secrets we shared. I can only name a few moments we had together, but you know what? Like an avalanche, it changed my life!

My bros, I told you that my post on Instagram will be the first and last dramatic post intended for you all, but you all know how dramatic I am. You all have the biggest spot here in my heart. You’ve always been a good brother to me in one way or another. Thank you for the endless advice you’ve given me and I am surprise you guys were able to put up with my unmanageable behavior. I love you all from the bottom of my heart.

Taking a leap into a new chapter of your life wouldn’t be that easy, most especially to the path you chose. Never forget that I’m always here to support you all the way. DEO GRATIAS AMIGOS!

 

Written by RinalynFaye

March 26, 2013 at 8:02 am

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