RinalynFayeVillanueva

We all have stories to tell. These are mine – the twisted words of life.

Posts Tagged ‘Tired

Note to myself.

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Sorry for always saying “Yes”

Sorry for hiding the pain.

Sorry for not speaking myself.

Sorry for being always available.

Sorry for competing.

Sorry for ranting non-sense.

Sorry for the shit load.

Sorry for the pain.

Sorry for thinking I deserve all these.

I deserve more than this but I’m settling.

Sorry for everything.

I’ll be closing this book.

No looking back.

Ain’t worth turning around.

No more apologizing.

I’ll be saying “Thank you” next time.

 

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Written by RinalynFaye

July 10, 2014 at 1:03 pm

3D 2N

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3d2n, we’re together.

Eating, drinking and playing.

Walking, trekking and swimming.

3d2n, we’re happy.

You’re funny. I’m corny.

You’re the Master. I’m the Apprentice.

3d2n, you caught my attention.

3d2n, I liked you.

3d2n, I fell.

Can we do it again?

I’ll give the butterflies back.

I don’t want it no more.

Written by RinalynFaye

March 22, 2014 at 2:24 am

IDK

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This shitty feeling overstayed. The month is about to end a few days from now, and this feeling won’t ever let me go. I messed up. I failed. I feel like crap. I feel stupid. Mixed emotions I myself find it hard to explain until I got to the point that I asked myself, “Am I here to fail over and over again?” I want to cry just to ease this unwanted feeling, I’ve tried my hardest but not a single tear fell. I don’t want to confide to anyone because they will never understand.

Maybe I’m in the wrong crowd. Maybe I’m just weak. Or maybe, it’s time to fight back. Get lost or shut the world out. Will they notice? Will they even care? Will anyone ask why and comfort me instead of ranting at me?

I’m sad. I’m giving up. I’m frustrated and devastated. I don’t know what to do, where to go, who to talk to anymore.

Then I uttered this. “I can’t take it any longer. Will you be mad if I took away my life? It’s hard – everything’s hard. I don’t know if I can start all over again. Don’t prolong my agony. Take me now or I’ll take it myself.”

Written by RinalynFaye

March 22, 2014 at 1:57 am

Realization over a cup of coffee with friends

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It’s been over a year ago since I had this broken heart and up until now I find it hard mending it because I am secretly hoping and waiting you’ll come back and continue our story of love that you decided to stop. I’ve dated men my type and even those guys not my type. I wouldn’t deny the fact, that I’ve been wishing they were you. I enjoyed being with their company but at the back of my mind, you’re all I think of. Everything is way too different when it’s with you. I’m rushing things to move on, to get into another relationship, to be happy once again and it all get messed up in the end. You’re my happy ever after. I can’t see myself with somebody else. I can foresee my old days beside you. But our game is over – a year over. I just can’t move on with the thoughts and memories you left me. It’s killing me from deep within.

I never thought having a broken heart would be this hard. I never thought moving on needs too much time. I never thought you’ll bring me so much pain and make me suffer this long. It isn’t fair that you don’t have to go through this.

Whatever I say, there are things I myself can’t put into words. I simply put my thoughts in my safe deposit here in my heart which didn’t really help me at all. Bursting out my feelings tonight won’t make any difference. I already put a lot of damage in me. I don’t know where to start – I don’t even know if I have the strength to start all over. I’m getting tired of starting over. The past year has been a series of those and surprisingly I ought to undergo through it all again and I’m hoping I won’t be encountering flaws on my way and if I do, I’m hoping that I already know what to do.

Fall-ing on February 2013

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I went to my hometown in Batangas running away from the problems the city has given me. I know for a fact that I am just making up reasons to see this guy I haven’t seen and talked to for a long time.

I went directly to my friends house which happened to be the cousin of that guy I’m talking about. I spent hours talking and having a good laugh with them. He arrived and that’s the sign I’ve been waiting for me to go home.

The following day, I woke up to the voices of the kids shouting my name. They wanted to go to the falls near our place. I know for a fact that it is supposed to be next week. I then changed my clothes pack my towel and we are off to go.

While waiting for the jeepney to arrive, he talked to me actually he teased me. Asked me questions why I’m with them and I answered him in a blunt way that I was just invited and I really didn’t know because I know our falls trip is due next week. He laughed at me and I punched him hard on his arm.

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Finally! I got the chance to step my foot on this ground. Swam at cold water of this falls. Jumped and shout my lungs out while doing that. And in that moment I knew that I can swim.

We chatted for some time. I then realized, he wanted this to happen, he made this to happen. I can’t help but asked questions – If he wanted to talk to me and he wanted to spend time with me and be with me, he doesn’t need to do this. But I am still thankful I had this moment.

I am falling real hard with no one to catch me down below.

(Credits to Ms. Kris for the photos.)

Written by RinalynFaye

April 23, 2013 at 6:10 pm

Changing at its worst

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I’ve changed. I don’t do the talking now. I’m enjoying the act of listening. I’ve been keeping things on my own for months now. I don’t know why. It’s just that I find it senseless to tell everyone what Iam feeling. I easily get bored. Acting lazy everyday. And I’ve been living life in a routine now. Slowly, my walls are getting higher. I’ve been guarding myself from disappointments and possible ways of getting hurt. I’m pushing people away. I don’t apologize anymore. I guess I still am but just once and if it still stays the same, that would be enough. I don’t know what’s wrong with me or am I just thinking there really is something wrong. I need help but I don’t know where to get them. I need some time alone, but I don’t know where. This is the change I don’t want to go through.

Written by RinalynFaye

February 19, 2013 at 5:29 pm

Don’t wake me up.

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I’m on a faraway land, a place near the sea, living on a house of glass – All alone, by myself. As I feel the heat of the sun touches my skin, I woke up. “Why wake me up?” A question I ask every morning for the past week. I watch the sea from my room, it’s fascinating but I can’t find the urge for me to smile. I dig my toes into the sand, finding my way to my favorite spot – the lighthouse. It Is painted by white and rusty stairs. You’ll then know, it’s been there for decades. As I reached the top, I see clear blue sky with birds flying freely, serene and calm sea and green trees on the other side. The view here is fantastic. I’ve been seeing the same place but I never get tired of it. The wind brushes my hair and the long skirt I’m wearing is swaying, dancing to the winds beat. This place is so important to me. It has been my witness for everything. Tears fell from my eyes. Thoughts of you still remain. Your face, your scent, your touch, the way you held my hand and the way we play with the sand and the waves. Then I hear laughter; Children laughing while playing down below where I am. I changed my sight and there I saw the town’s mini carnival. We played hide and seek there. Remember? Flashbacks of the past visited my mind. Our Ferris wheel ride then fireworks came right on time when we’re on top. That moment caught me off guard. We kissed, told you I love you and you hugged me so tight. We walked on our way home. Under the sheets, we made love. My head on your chest and a kiss on my forehead ended our night. I woke up the next day with your letter on our bed side table; bidding goodbye. I tried to find you but you’re gone. I never thought it’ll be our last. We’re supposed to do this together. We’re supposed to witness every sunrise and sunset together. We’re supposed to be forever. Right? What happened? Why did you left? Where are you? Someone called out my name that woke me up from thinking. The boy wants to play. I wipe my tears and looked the other way. The sun is about to set. I never thought I’ve been here for so long. I made my way back home. Lay my back on the sand as the sea touches my feet. It’s cold and warm at the same time. I sat on the sand and played with it. The sunset is making things melodramatic. I hugged my knees keeping myself from crying again. I ran to go home and I was astonished by what I saw. I saw you sitting at the dining table patiently waiting for me. In excitement, I hugged you so tight and kissed you many times. I’m supposed to be mad at you. I should have slapped you really hard, but I didn’t. We talked, told me your apologies and made a promise it won’t happen again. I believed it and accepted it; with open arms I welcome you back.

I woke up from my alarm, a hint that I need to jump off my bed and prepare myself for another day. I don’t want to wake up from that dream. I want to stay in that dream forever.

Written by RinalynFaye

February 12, 2013 at 6:16 am

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